She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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