He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
