That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
