You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize