Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
