Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
