I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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