I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
