is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
