I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
