When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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