Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
