So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
