Do you still have your period?
I looked at my own cervix.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
