I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
