she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
