she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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