dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize