I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
