I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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