After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
