Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
