I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
now i know why i became what i already was.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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