If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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