my vag is so smooth its legendary
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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