k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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