Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
