you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
