it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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