how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
