His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
