i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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