Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
