oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
