theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
