Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
