He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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