i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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