i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is Oprah even human
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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