addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
