i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
