I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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