You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
