guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
