I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
