Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
