I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
