Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
