Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
