Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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