Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
