We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
