is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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