i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
