So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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