this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
