im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
