My room smells like vodka and shame
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
