Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
