New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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