So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
