she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
