I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
