And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
