If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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