My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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