Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Randomize
