I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
