FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize