i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
