i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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