I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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