and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
