Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
