I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
