Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
