My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
