Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
