He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
