You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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