; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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