Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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