walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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