you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize