Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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