I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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