good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
