im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
