return my video game
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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