very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
FUCK WHALES
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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