dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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