Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
