My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
