apparently the secret to your success is patron
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
